Oh gee. If you're gonna be two-faced, at least make one pretty ;)

Saturday, July 22, 2006

My dad and I fought again. And as usual, ate came to the rescue for me. Which is good. Because if she hadn't come, maybe papa could hit me. Not that he hits me. I just had the sudden feeling that maybe he want to hit me.

Ate and I stayed in my room for an hour and talked. Really talked. I was crying so hard and I was telling her how I hate it here. How I want to go back to the Philippines. Kahit na mag-isa ulit ako sa bahay namin.. okay lang. Kesa ganito na every weekend na nga lang kami magsasama tas away pa. It's been only nearly three months and yet we already had a lot of fights. All of it hindi alam ni mama. Papaano pa kaya ung ilang years na pag stay ko dito db?

Sa totoo lang.. natatakot ako. Natatakot ako sa lahat ng pwede mangyari sken once na umalis na si ate which is is 4 weeks. :( Ate told me to be strong but what the heck I am being strong for almost half my life. Since mama and papa left Philippines for their work here I have been sturggling to get on with my life with my one two feet. Wala sila to be there on my birthdays and other special occassions. I was left with ate and kuya. Pero siyempre, iba pa rin ung sila db? God, ilang years ko tiniis un. Hindi pa ba enough un?

Ate said I was the strongest between the three of us. Kasi ang aga kong naging independent sa madaming bagay. Lahat kami madaming pinagdaanan, pero sken na ata ung pinaka-masaklap. Ate Charl knows my bitter feelings me moving in here. Pero like what ate said, hindi naman pwedeng basta basta nlang ulit ako pauwiin nila mama sa Pilipinas since everything is already being settled here.

Hindi ako masaya dito. Come to think of it. Hindi talaga. Sure masaya ako to be with my parents again. Pero ang hirap din kasi nasanay na ko na wala sila and to get on with my weekends back there with no one except ate, kuya, cha and joeff. Ugh.

I don't hate mama or papa.. it's just that.. iba e. Nasanay na ko to stand on my own and to be alone all the time. Nasanay na ako na maids lang kasama ko kahit nung nandun pa sa Pilipinas both parents ko. Lagi silang.. work, work, work. And now... it's all different. I am under their cursed rules and their eyes are all on me. Down on me. Siyempre, 21+ na ung parehong kapatid ko. I am under their over protectiveness AND strictness.

I have to do whatever they asked me to do.. with no questions asked. For they say, what they say is always what's best for me and for everyone. Blah, blah, blah.

I miss everything back in the Philippines. But hey, I have to stop missing Philippines. And just move on with my life for now. Who knows it might turn out that I'll like it here sooner or later. But one thing is for sure. I will go back in the Philippines when the right time comes.

Everything has it's own perfect timing and it is within us to make that thing happen in that perfect moment and not wait for any other time. For we never know, when it'll turn out to be too late to happen in reality. - wisbaua :)

♥Wis

*The bum

Luisa Angela Baua. Wis.October 10. HS student. Youngest of three. Chicklet.

I WANT TO.. be loved and to travel the whole world.

ACHIEVED.. pretty much a lot of things and learned from every mistake I did.

GREATEST FEAR.. to be alone.

I BELIEVE THE FACT.. that it takes one to know one.

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THE Past

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