Oh gee. If you're gonna be two-faced, at least make one pretty ;)

Monday, June 26, 2006

There are so many things that I would really like to think about. Sobrang dami. Problems as well as doubts. Maybe some of you knows what those things are. Sa mga taong, bigla ko na lang i-iim sa ym tas humihingi ako ng advice. Sorry na. Haha.

I have a feeling of doubt for someone so close to me. I don't know whether whom to believe. Though I wanted to believe that someone, I am just not so sure right now. Yep. I have told that someone about what am I feeling about the subject. And that someone tells me not to worry. But even though, I am not so sure who to believe. That someone or the other someone. I never knew it could have been this hard. Trust is a very important thing, I know. And I am trusting that someone. Totoo. It's that someone whom I don't trust. Really. That someone is getting unto my nerves. Sobra. Eversince. Why don't that someone just let go and break off. Diba? Pero sabi naman ni someone matagal ng wala.. but STILL. I am doubting. I am so troubled with so many things right now. I am pretty much occupied with a LOT of things, bigger things than this. And I am not blaming someone about it. I am blaming MYSELF for this. But STILL. The way I am feeling right now is as if I am a fish who ran out of water inside my own little world inside the aquarium or the little kid who got lost in the jungle trying to find my way out of it but I can't.

Problems for me and for the whole entire people living in this world is never ending. Problems which can be solved through short terms or long terms. Some of which can be solved but some can't be. Kaka-solve mo plang ng isang problema.. here comes the next one. We all have these problems which we all hope would be just a so-called fantasy or maybe just a dream and we wouldn't wake up one morning having that dream bestowed upon our very own eyes. The feeling of rejection, neglection, being unwanted, being lonely.. lahat un. Sama sama na pag meron taung problems. Gusto naten mag-isa. To think it all over or maybe to try to sort each things out to flatten it. I mean, para mas madaling isolve. But I've been thinking.. Db dapat pag may problema ka the more na dapat hindi ka mag-isa. Dapat may nasasabihan ka or something. Para hindi LAHAT ng sama ng loob na sayo lang. Tas may tendency ka mabaliw and so on. Life is full of twists. Sobra. And it depends on our very own self to carry on the twists of it. Alam ko na un. Pero parang everytime, the twists of it is even getting harder and harder to unease the twist.

Ang ironic nga e. Kasi diba sabi nila.. masaya and masarap mabuhay. Parang free ka gawin ALMOST lahat. Pero pag buhay ka naman, ang dami dami mong problema. Kaya nga ung iba.. nagpapakamatay nlang kasi hindi na nila ma-handle ung problems nila e. Pero totoo yun. Masaya mabuhay. Bakit? Kasi meron kang chance to prove yourslef about SO MANY things na hindi mo ma-explain.

Though there are times na parang ireregret mo na nabuhay ka. Gaya ko. Sometimes, I regret na buhay pa ko hanggang ngayon. Sa daming beses ko na, na pwede na akong namatay.. because of accidents/ilnesses like asthma. Hindi pa rin. Ewan ko kung bakit ako ganun mag-isip. Pero totoo. Minsan, mas gusto ko pang mamatay. :( Siguro hindi lang talaga ako makunteto on what I have right now. Parang I want MORE than this. Even though sometimes, happy naman ako. Like most of the people are bragging, masyado na nga akong blessed e. I know. Alam ko na un. And I am NOT complaining about it. Alam kong blessed ako with MOST things. Pero like what I said.. parang may kulang pa rin in some way. And gusto ko na ung kulang na un.. ma-complete. Even though I know it's going to take a zillion years. Haha. Now I am exaggerating. Haha. Basta. Two things I know.. Ang labo ng buhay. And it is very, very complicated/risky and sometimes very unpredictable. Basta. Hindi ko siya ma-explain. You'll see it for yourself nlang. Basta. That is MY point of view about MY life. Hush ka nlang sa reactions mo. Haha. Haiii hai. Enough of the drama.. Let's change the subject.

UPDATES! :)

Last Thursday was my first volleyball recreation class. Every Thursdays un, 7:30-9:30pm. So two hours. I have ten meetings of that. Which means, meron pa kong 9 classes. Graaaaabe. Ang hirap. I refuse to give up though kasi fun siya. Pero ang hirap talaga. Ba naman.. Kelan ba ung huli kong laro ng volleyeball. Tagal na! Ang sakit sakit sa arms tas namumula. Next thing I know, may pasa na ko sa arms ko. Ang hirap talaga. Swear. Pero masaya. Nagkaroon kami ng 6 games. Tas grabe, tuloy tuloy un. Sometimes I mess up, sometimes I don't. Favorite job ko dun.. ung pagiging center. Kasi ang cool. Haha. Ako ung magdedecide kung san pupunta ung bola. One thing I learned.. pag center ka.. THE SECOND BALL IS ALWAYS YOURS. :) Pag hindi ko nakuha ung bola.. I should ask for help. So sumisigaw ako ng help! Haha. Coolness. :) Tas iba iba pa kami ng ethnicity. Tas FIRST time kong makakita ng GUY na naglalaro ng ACTUAL volleyball. Ang fun. Sobra. Tas they give me compliments like.. "Nice shot!", "Nice try" or "Good job!" Haha. Ailuvet! I am SO loving volleyball now. Kahit dati halos masumpa ko na siya. Haha.

Yesterday it was raining. Today it was still raining. Even though it was actually raining so hard. Nothing stopped ate and I. Both of us still played volleyball kahit sobrang basang basa na kami. Mas fun nga e. Well, it just proves that both of us are REALLY enjoying volleyball badly. Ailuvet! ;)

* I would like to extend my good luck greetings to those people who have tests this week and the weeks to come. :)

*And for those people I have asked for help kanina sa YM, BIG BIG thanks. :) It helped a lot. Kahit mostly nakinig lang kayo. Thank you rin sa mga nagbigay sken ng advice about my current doubts slash problems. :) I owe you guys and girls.. I'll make it up to ALL of YOU. :D

♥Wis

*The bum

Luisa Angela Baua. Wis.October 10. HS student. Youngest of three. Chicklet.

I WANT TO.. be loved and to travel the whole world.

ACHIEVED.. pretty much a lot of things and learned from every mistake I did.

GREATEST FEAR.. to be alone.

I BELIEVE THE FACT.. that it takes one to know one.

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My fab friends:)

Stu Abancio
Pauline Abante
Caris Almazan
Paul Ang
Anj Caguioa
Therese Chua
Eirene Go
Maita Guevarra
Sibyl Layag
Aya Lemence
Sher Liquido
Michi Manosca
Monique Marinas
Rus Pascual
Miliza Prado
Ikit Singson
Mia Sumulong
Denise Tan
Sam Valencia

THE Past

March 2005 April 2005 May 2005 June 2005 July 2005 August 2005 September 2005 October 2005 November 2005 December 2005 January 2006 February 2006 March 2006 April 2006 May 2006 June 2006 July 2006 August 2006 September 2006 October 2006 November 2006 December 2006 January 2007 February 2007 April 2007 June 2007 July 2007 August 2007 February 2008

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