Oh gee. If you're gonna be two-faced, at least make one pretty ;)

Thursday, June 22, 2006

NEWSFLASH : Ate and I fought. As in sigawan. And the both of us didn't even care for the fact the papa WAS there in the house TOO. As usual. Si papa, hindi na naman nakialam sa gulo. Nagsalita lang siya nung sobra sobra sobra na kong sumisigaw tas umiiyak.

DAMN IT! I hate MY LIFE from this very moment. Sobra na. Hindi ko na kaya. Minsan naiisip ko bakit pa ba kasi ako pinanganak or bakit ako pa? I REALLY HATE IT. Naiinis ako kila papa, kay mama pati kay ate. Certainly, because of many many things. PRIVATE and FAMILY issues. I just don't get it. DARN.

Naiinis ako kasi first of all.. MERONG FAVORITISM saming magkakapatid sila mama. Too bad hindi ako un. Kasi SI ATE ang dakilang favorite ng buong angkan. Pero wala akong problema dun. At least.. NOT until TODAY.

Ate has been bragging me about so many things. Na hindi ako ganito, ganyan, ganyan. And I was like.. What do you care? Hindi naman ikaw ako ha. And so, and so, and so on... The fight went on. Ate WASN'T shouting but I WAS. Hindi ko na ma-take ang pagiging miss PERFECT niya. Argggggh. I hate it. You know what, I hate her pag ganun ung nagiging attitude niya. Which is like most of the time. Kasi parang siya ung nagiging GODESS at ako ang kanyang nagiging slave. Pero wala naman akong pakialam sa pagiging slave e. Ang ayoko lang.. ung parang I was under HER spell. You know what I mean? Hindi ako robot no. Too bad I wasn't one na pwede niyang basta ganun, ganunin.

Akala ba nila.. ginusto ko dito sa States?.. NOT! Newsflash.. Days or even weeks before I left, humahagulgol na ko kasi ayoko talaga. Nandito lang ako ngayon dahil unfortunately, eto ang gusto nila papa at mama. Peste. Walang wala nga akong naging stand sa States thing na to e.

ALL OF MY LIFE.. sila mama sinusunod ko. Not that pinoproblema ko na sinunod ko sila. Dahil natural lang na sila sundin ko dahil.. hello? parents KO sila. Db? ALL MY LIFE. As in. Okay.. I'll give YOU examples. (1) When I was in grade 4, my mom enrolled me to MILO gymnastics. Kahit di pa niya sken una pina-alam. So, ginawa ko. Sinunod ko. Kahit nung una, ayoko. (2) I was transferred to Assumption Antipolo kahit HINDI ko gusto. THEY said it was MY DREAM school. But it wasn't. It was THEIR DREAM school FOR ME. (3) Now, they are trying to control what course am I going to choose for college. Guess what? They prefer LAW. Which is NOT TOTALLY ME. I hate to break it. Pero parang hindi ako free. Kasi wala akong choice. I am born to follow them. Parang lumalabas na ganun. My parents aren't that control freaks though. But sometimes, they can really get into my nerves. And I have nothing else to do but to cry and email Cha.

I super miss Cha. Kung nandito siya ngaun. Or kung magkasama kami, dinadamayan na ko nun. I know a LOT of PEOPLE thinks I am so blessed with everything.. Nakakapunta ako ng States and ng Europe, nag-aaral ako sa isang NAPAKALAKING exclusive school for girls, 'mayaman' daw kami, nabibili ko HALOS LAHAT ng gusto ko, madami akong friends.. and so on.. Pero deep inside of me, parang may kulang pa rin. Actually, MADAMING kulang. :'( Pero heck. Sige. Sabihin na nten na blessed nga ako. Pero STILL MADAMING KULANG. Yun ung BIGGEST frustration ko.

Hindi nila ko iniintindi. And I guess, wala silang balak na intindihin ako. Kasi ang importante para sa kanila.. sila ung maintindihan ko. Dahil sa dami ng ginagawa/nagawa para sken. Ang hindi ko pa maintindihan.. Pag si ate.. okay lang. Pero pag ako.. parang sobrang BIG thing na un. Naiinsecure ako ngayon. Insecure ako kay ate. I know it's bad. Pero ganun talaga nafifeel ko. Parang compared to her.. wala lang ako. As in walang wala ako. :'( Kasi si ate.. maganda, matalino tas parang ang perfect na niya talaga. Kaya mas nadodown naman ako. :'(

Anyway.. sana naman sooner or later ma-solve na ang problemang to. Kasi sobrang helpless na talaga ko sa lahat ng nangyayari sken. As in.. TAMA NA........

*Oo nga pala.. As I have promised.. Miss na rin kita, Eirene Vernice Ong Go. *hug, hug.

*And when YOU get the chance whether to sit or to dance.. I hope YOU dance. :) Ailuvet! ;)

♥Wis

*The bum

Luisa Angela Baua. Wis.October 10. HS student. Youngest of three. Chicklet.

I WANT TO.. be loved and to travel the whole world.

ACHIEVED.. pretty much a lot of things and learned from every mistake I did.

GREATEST FEAR.. to be alone.

I BELIEVE THE FACT.. that it takes one to know one.

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My fab friends:)

Stu Abancio
Pauline Abante
Caris Almazan
Paul Ang
Anj Caguioa
Therese Chua
Eirene Go
Maita Guevarra
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Aya Lemence
Sher Liquido
Michi Manosca
Monique Marinas
Rus Pascual
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Ikit Singson
Mia Sumulong
Denise Tan
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THE Past

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