Oh gee. If you're gonna be two-faced, at least make one pretty ;)

Monday, September 05, 2005

no sweat! i went to school today and arrived at 2pm here at our house with no sweat! haha. sobrang ang short lang ng day, ginawa kasi nilang shortened period lahat ng subjects namin. kaya parang ang bilis lang..

well.. nothing's changed. there are still a lot of things stuck in my head. mind you, these are BAD things.. my ate and i fought yesterday. twice pa nga eh. and as usual, ako na naman lumabas na mali sa parents ko.. nakaka-inis nga eh.. let me tell you what happened..

first away namin ni ate, lunch time. it was about the fact na hindi daw ako marunong magpa-alam sa mga pupuntahan ko ahead of time. ung biglaan nalang daw lagi.. eh, nde naman eh. i even asked her way, way ahead of time. tas sasabihin niya, biglaan.. nakakabanas talaga at sa sobrang banas ko nasigawan ko si ate. pati tuloy sila mama pinagalitan na ko about sa mga labas, labas ko. every week nlang daw, movie. or gateway. or eastwood. or tomas morato. eh,as if naman mai sense pa ko mag-stay sa house.. wala nga sila lagi eh! tapos ako gusto nila stuck lang sa bahay.. ano yun? prisoner ako.. grr..

one more thing that pissed me off was the fact na sinabihan ako ni mama na layuan ko na si aiko. i just don't get it. naiintindihan pa ba niya pinagsasasabi niya? eversince i was a kid, friend ko na si aiko. we grew up together and we treat each other like we are sisters. para ngang mas kapatid ko pa nga siya compared kay ate eh.. tas ganun sasabihin ng mom ko? akala niya kasi bad influence si aiko. eh, nde naman! sobrang hindi talaga! darn! naiinis ako.. ah, basta.. no matter what happens, hindi ako iiwas kay aiko.. bahala na talaga..

one more reason kung bakit nagalit sakin sila mama kasi daw sinumbong ako ni ate na sinasabi ko daw na malas ang buhay ko. hindi ko nman sinabi un sa kanya eh. ang sinabi ko, ang pangit ng buhay ko.. which is true. so dahil dun sa malas daw ako sa buhay na yun, mas lalong nagalit sakin si mama. na-iinsulto daw siya kasi daw parang sinasabe ko na siya may dahilan kung bakit malas ang buhay ko. which definitely is not what i was implying. totoo namang pangit buhay ko eh.. why would i ever say na maganda kung hindi naman talaga. well, merong mga bagay na maganda sa buhay ko pero mostly, nde talaga. if they only knew.. nde naman ako after sa mga material things na kaya or na binibili nila sakin eh. it's them. they kept my life as if it was a missing piece lost in this lifetime where burdens prevail..

so my mom started asking me, what do you want to happen in your life para maconsider mo siyang blessed? sundin lahat ng gusto mo? patayo kita ng house at dun ka tumira mag-isa? wag ka na naming pakealamanan? and reality speaking, i thought of it but still wala ko maisip na isasagot sa mom ko. kasi hindi ko talaga alam.. ang alam ko lang. my life now is not the life i wanted to have. alam mo yun? they don't understand me. there are times that i feel they do understand me, pero hindi pala talaga. they really can't and never will understand me..

that's the reason why my mind is twisted on the line they kept on telling me na.. "sobrang blessed ka. you get everything you want. and you have everyone you love" which is not true. sige, sabihin na nating i get most of the things i want but not everything. oh and the line na i have everyone i love? talaga lang ha. i don't have everyone. tignan mo ha, where are my parents? nasa states because of work. nasan si ate? or si kuya? wala lang. nandito nga sila pero heck. never better, as always. so what am i left with? friends db? tas sasabihin nila layuan ko si aiko.. please.. ang laki ko na sigurong lokaloka kung ilet go ko pa friendship namin ni aiko. db?!

second away namin ni ate, was after dinner. sobrang nagkasagutan kami. it was about me comparing myself to her. actually, nde ko naman gusto icompare sarili ko sa kanya eh. kasi sobrang opposites talaga kami. chaka mai unique attributes kami. pero hindi eh. DON'T EVER COMPARE.. WHY??? KASI... BAD UN!!! it was my dad's fault. now i can't stop comparing myself to her. she's always better. she's always the good one. she's the one who's always right. they don't even want to hear my side. kasi for them hindi na importante un eh! si ate lang talaga! si ate pati si kuya lang importante eh! even ask our maids about it, the way they see how things are going.. un din sinasabi nila.. lage nalang.. minsan nga iniisip ko sana sila cha nlang naging kapatid ko eh.. maybe i could have been luckier..

so don't get disturbed whenever i overprotect my friends. walang ibang meaning un. it's just that, para sakin parang sila na un super special sakin because that's what they make me feel.. good thing i have my true friends and my close cousins around who really understands me.. oh, how i truly love them.. sobra!

♥Wis

*The bum

Luisa Angela Baua. Wis.October 10. HS student. Youngest of three. Chicklet.

I WANT TO.. be loved and to travel the whole world.

ACHIEVED.. pretty much a lot of things and learned from every mistake I did.

GREATEST FEAR.. to be alone.

I BELIEVE THE FACT.. that it takes one to know one.

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My fab friends:)

Stu Abancio
Pauline Abante
Caris Almazan
Paul Ang
Anj Caguioa
Therese Chua
Eirene Go
Maita Guevarra
Sibyl Layag
Aya Lemence
Sher Liquido
Michi Manosca
Monique Marinas
Rus Pascual
Miliza Prado
Ikit Singson
Mia Sumulong
Denise Tan
Sam Valencia

THE Past

March 2005 April 2005 May 2005 June 2005 July 2005 August 2005 September 2005 October 2005 November 2005 December 2005 January 2006 February 2006 March 2006 April 2006 May 2006 June 2006 July 2006 August 2006 September 2006 October 2006 November 2006 December 2006 January 2007 February 2007 April 2007 June 2007 July 2007 August 2007 February 2008

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