Saturday, September 17, 2005
a lot of days had passed and a lot of things which are good happenned. everything's pretty much back to normal for me. well, almost.. except for one thing.
i told my mom a week ago that i will change. i will change my attitude and almost everything about me since that's what they've been wanting for me to do. i want to prove them that i can also be good or maybe even be better when it comes to making my decisions and the like.. i have been examining myself for like three days now and guess what? i really did think i change. i've changed into someone better. somehow like my sister. i've been so super social with other people whom i meet [i can already carry a conversation or two unlike before], my not-so-close cousins/friends and i have this communcation thing going on, i studied in advance, i'm pretty much performing better in class, i have learned to prioritize things or people that's really important to me and most importantly, i loved myself even more..
that was a big blast for me but you know what? that was a big and yet a good blast! maybe my mom was right all this time. i needed to change. but still, there's this one thing that i cannot change.. and never will i learn to let go and change.. these are my friends..
my mom doesn't have any idea of the things that are going on around me. that's why she's doesn't know how i truy feel. my friends are probably one of the most precious things i have in this lifetime. they'e helped me to become what i am now.. and i have know plans of replacing any one from my friends.. that's an assurance! :D
my parents became even more strict when it comes to me. sila kuya, okay lang kahit araw-araw pagkagising nila aalis na agad.. pero, ako? hindi. i still have to wait for what? 3-4 years before they let me do that! ang unfair noh? nowadays, if i have any gimik or lakad with friends, i have to ask for their permission AT LEAST A WEEK BEFORE the gimik. and, it still depends on kung sino kasama ko. tapos may curfew na ko unlke before na anytime pwede. sobrang strict na nila. tas pag maglalakad lang ako sa labas ng bahay namin, kelangan kasama pa maid namin.. un naman! oh well, wala na ko magagawa. umiral na naman ang pagka-strict ng parents ko..
we're heading to the third week of september, which means malapit na naman ang start ng birhday season sa family namin.. on the 22, birthday na ni cha. then si kuya toscin, tas si kuya, tas ako tas si lolo, tas si catherine, tas si papa, tas si.. so on and so forth.. nako! mawawalan na naman ako ng money nito.. bilihan na naman ng mga birthday gifts.. haii.. haha. pero fun naman eh. kasi nagbibigay ako ng gift.. hehe.
right now, i'm pretty much loving the way my life goes. it's somehow different from before but hey, masasanay rin ako as time goes by.. do not hesitate or hold back on the things that are already infront of you, who knows it might not come back to you, the way you wanted it or when you've realized that you shouldn't have resisted it. opportunities come not to be held back but to take the ride of adventure which will eventually help you unlock the true beauty within yourself.. :D naks.. did i really said that? sounds good.. and true.. :D
♥Wis
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Saturday, September 10, 2005
i have learned to appreciate the goodness behind all things that i see and the things that i do not see that my parents had enthroned unto me. thanks for all those unforgettable moments and stuff, ma and pa! :D love you, both! :D
my kuya will arrive na tomorrow morning at 10'20.. after 4 months of not seeing him.. makikita ko na ulit siya sa wakas.. yipee!! god knows how i missed my kuya so much!! :D
same as with russel. :D god and even my ate knows how i truly and deeply missed my best girl bud! :D love you, russ! :D mmwah! :D
♥Wis
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Tuesday, September 06, 2005
i checked my e-mail last night because my ate texted me to do so. so, i did. i checked it. my first message in my inbox was from my ate. and as i opened it, i already felt that it's something really important.. and look what she wrote..
p.s. sorry kung masama ang loob mo na napagasabihan kita at ni mama. i mean the best for you. believe it or not, it's the truth. gusto ko lang kasi talaga mabaon sa utak mo na madami kang blessings sa buhay. sana makita mo ang mga madami mong capacities as a person instead of
feeling insecure all the time. people can always tell us ugly things,but it's up to us to let them affect us or not.
in the end, all i want is the best for you. :-)
love you, shobe.. :-)
love, ate.
aww.. russ was right. my ate is sweet. after all, hindi siya bitter like what i was saying.. maybe she was right. maybe i was super duper blessed in this lifetime.. because i got what i call.. my very own and one and only sister. :D
♥Wis
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Monday, September 05, 2005
no sweat! i went to school today and arrived at 2pm here at our house with no sweat! haha. sobrang ang short lang ng day, ginawa kasi nilang shortened period lahat ng subjects namin. kaya parang ang bilis lang..
well.. nothing's changed. there are still a lot of things stuck in my head. mind you, these are BAD things.. my ate and i fought yesterday. twice pa nga eh. and as usual, ako na naman lumabas na mali sa parents ko.. nakaka-inis nga eh.. let me tell you what happened..
first away namin ni ate, lunch time. it was about the fact na hindi daw ako marunong magpa-alam sa mga pupuntahan ko ahead of time. ung biglaan nalang daw lagi.. eh, nde naman eh. i even asked her way, way ahead of time. tas sasabihin niya, biglaan.. nakakabanas talaga at sa sobrang banas ko nasigawan ko si ate. pati tuloy sila mama pinagalitan na ko about sa mga labas, labas ko. every week nlang daw, movie. or gateway. or eastwood. or tomas morato. eh,as if naman mai sense pa ko mag-stay sa house.. wala nga sila lagi eh! tapos ako gusto nila stuck lang sa bahay.. ano yun? prisoner ako.. grr..
one more thing that pissed me off was the fact na sinabihan ako ni mama na layuan ko na si aiko. i just don't get it. naiintindihan pa ba niya pinagsasasabi niya? eversince i was a kid, friend ko na si aiko. we grew up together and we treat each other like we are sisters. para ngang mas kapatid ko pa nga siya compared kay ate eh.. tas ganun sasabihin ng mom ko? akala niya kasi bad influence si aiko. eh, nde naman! sobrang hindi talaga! darn! naiinis ako.. ah, basta.. no matter what happens, hindi ako iiwas kay aiko.. bahala na talaga..
one more reason kung bakit nagalit sakin sila mama kasi daw sinumbong ako ni ate na sinasabi ko daw na malas ang buhay ko. hindi ko nman sinabi un sa kanya eh. ang sinabi ko, ang pangit ng buhay ko.. which is true. so dahil dun sa malas daw ako sa buhay na yun, mas lalong nagalit sakin si mama. na-iinsulto daw siya kasi daw parang sinasabe ko na siya may dahilan kung bakit malas ang buhay ko. which definitely is not what i was implying. totoo namang pangit buhay ko eh.. why would i ever say na maganda kung hindi naman talaga. well, merong mga bagay na maganda sa buhay ko pero mostly, nde talaga. if they only knew.. nde naman ako after sa mga material things na kaya or na binibili nila sakin eh. it's them. they kept my life as if it was a missing piece lost in this lifetime where burdens prevail..
so my mom started asking me, what do you want to happen in your life para maconsider mo siyang blessed? sundin lahat ng gusto mo? patayo kita ng house at dun ka tumira mag-isa? wag ka na naming pakealamanan? and reality speaking, i thought of it but still wala ko maisip na isasagot sa mom ko. kasi hindi ko talaga alam.. ang alam ko lang. my life now is not the life i wanted to have. alam mo yun? they don't understand me. there are times that i feel they do understand me, pero hindi pala talaga. they really can't and never will understand me..
that's the reason why my mind is twisted on the line they kept on telling me na.. "sobrang blessed ka. you get everything you want. and you have everyone you love" which is not true. sige, sabihin na nating i get most of the things i want but not everything. oh and the line na i have everyone i love? talaga lang ha. i don't have everyone. tignan mo ha, where are my parents? nasa states because of work. nasan si ate? or si kuya? wala lang. nandito nga sila pero heck. never better, as always. so what am i left with? friends db? tas sasabihin nila layuan ko si aiko.. please.. ang laki ko na sigurong lokaloka kung ilet go ko pa friendship namin ni aiko. db?!
second away namin ni ate, was after dinner. sobrang nagkasagutan kami. it was about me comparing myself to her. actually, nde ko naman gusto icompare sarili ko sa kanya eh. kasi sobrang opposites talaga kami. chaka mai unique attributes kami. pero hindi eh. DON'T EVER COMPARE.. WHY??? KASI... BAD UN!!! it was my dad's fault. now i can't stop comparing myself to her. she's always better. she's always the good one. she's the one who's always right. they don't even want to hear my side. kasi for them hindi na importante un eh! si ate lang talaga! si ate pati si kuya lang importante eh! even ask our maids about it, the way they see how things are going.. un din sinasabi nila.. lage nalang.. minsan nga iniisip ko sana sila cha nlang naging kapatid ko eh.. maybe i could have been luckier..
so don't get disturbed whenever i overprotect my friends. walang ibang meaning un. it's just that, para sakin parang sila na un super special sakin because that's what they make me feel.. good thing i have my true friends and my close cousins around who really understands me.. oh, how i truly love them.. sobra!
♥Wis
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Sunday, September 04, 2005
whew! sobrang nakakapagod.. we had a lot of activities since last thursday. sobrang pressured and stressed out lahat ng tao. grabe talaga. buti nalang, tapos na lahat ng un..
last thursday, we had our operetta. it was the lion king. it was successful, i might say. and everyone did everything they were supposed to do. it was fun.
last friday, we had our overnight class encounter. we had a lot of activities - we had the games, the e-night, the bonfire and the open forum. it was so fun. sobra.. parang ang sobrang united ng class namin. grabe. fun talaga, to the max! :D sobrang late pa ko natulog.. 3am na nun. haha.
yesterday, we had our soiree at anj's house. it was fine and oh well, a little bit of fun na rin. but i have to say, the food was really yummy.. haha.
today we heard mass at the gesu at 10'30am. after the mass, we went to a resto but then my ate and i fought so nde ako bumaba ng car. all those time na kumakain sila, andun lang talaga ako sa car. sobra.. nakakainis silang lahat. they suck! sobra! parang nde mo sila kaya itrust! nakakainis.. sobra!!!! grrr!!!! nakaka-irita talaga. i have to say.. sobrang nagbago talaga si ate.. grabe. change in a way na nakaka-irita. grr..
everything's so messed up these days.. tsk. tsk.
♥Wis
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