Oh gee. If you're gonna be two-faced, at least make one pretty ;)

Monday, August 29, 2005

as early as i woke up this morning i reached for my ipod in my drawer and when i turned it on.. SHOOT! it's not working. i don't know what to do that's why i started panicking. i ran straight to the laptop and tried to check my files there. i think my files we're corrupted or some sort. pero mas okay na kung ganun nga kaysa naman sa sira na talaga. kasi kung sira na talaga ipod ko, un naman na ang tinatawag na DOUBLE SHOOT! sobrang naiiyak ako kasi sobrang alagang alaga ko ung ipod ko tas biglang ganun. shoot talaga.. tsk. tsk.

as i was checking my files, the phone rang.. it was my mom. SHOOT! un na un. my voice was a bit shaky and when my mom asked me why, i just said kakagising ko lang. i don't want her to know just yet what happened to my ipod. i don't want her to get disappointed. and hey, nde pa nman sure kung sira talaga eh. so i didn't tell her about it, not yet, not now.

good thing, walang pasok. i was able to fix my whole cabinet. grabe, it's just now that i knew the number of tops and pants i have which i am not using. sobra.. it was just today that i knew i have 9 pairs of pants. but honestly, mga 3 or 4 lang ung papalit-palit na ginagamit ko. and i have a LOT of tops na nde ko pa talaga ginagamit. natatawa ako. kasi nman, lagi akong nagrereklamo sa maids namin na wala na kong damit at pantalon, yun pla, nasa cabinet ko lang all these time. haha. from now on, i'll start wearing them. that's my resolution for today.. and i'll stick to it.. :D

i wasn't able to attend our class practice today for the sort of operetta on thursday.. why? same thing, walang transpo. i feel bad. kasi nga nde ako nakapunta.. sorry, guys.

it only came up to me now that i have to do a lot of things for school this week. let's see.. for tomorrow, i have to work on the props for thursday's performance and study for a bunch of quizzes. for wednesday, report on health and still work on props. for thursday, do what i have to do for the performance. for friday, dance workshop sa club. grabe.. un naman ang week.. imagine, it's not only that. might as well add a bundle of homeworks and personal/family problems. these are the things that makes me completely pre-occupied for now. i hate it when this happens, all things being stacked up at me and i only have what? 4 days to accomplish everything, oh c'mon.. TRIPLE SHOOT talaga! and believe me, this is not going to be easy for me..

have you ever had the feeling wherein everything's so messed up? for me, today is THAT DAY. when i woke up, my ipod's not working. when i got up from my bed, nadulas at nadapa ako [ang sakit ng pasa] pinagalitan ako ng mom ko [it's about my gimiks and commuting.. umiral na naman ang pagka-overprotective at pagka-strict ng parents ko.. hmff.. ayaw na ayaw kasi nila akong nagcocommute eh unless sobrang kelangan daw at may kasama ako. baka daw kasi kidnappin ako.. as if naman.. db? sino kaya nagsumbong sa parents ko? hmmm.. time to revenge! haha] and after we had our lunch, sobrang sama ng pakiramdam ko. ung nde talaga ko makatayo sa bed..

oh, this is really one of the days, one of my worst days, ever.. SOBRA!

♥Wis

i don't know why pero in everything i do simula kahapon, kinikilig ako. swear. sabay may disorder na pala. haha. ang labo talaga. tsk. tsk.

i woke up early yesterday. i had my drums lessons at 10 and everything followed. i was so excited to watch the uaap game in araneta. sobrang pinipinch ko na sila cha nung lunch plang. [considering, 4 pa ung game ha] mas lalo na nung nasa labas na kami ng araneta. haha. nde ko alam kung bakit pero sobrang na-excite ako. siguro kasi eversince i was a kid i really find it interesting to watch basketball games. lagi kasi ako sinasama ng dad ko. dad ko pa, laging first in line yan pagdating sa mga tickets ng games ng ateneo. haha. so un, when we got inside my heart was beating so fast sa sobrang excited. haha. when we got our seats, sobrang un na ung moment. haha. sinasabe ko pa nga kay cha, 'this is really is it, oh!' haha. sobrang fun ng game. although nainis kami ng una ni cha sa mga refrees kasi sobrang ang unfair ng mga fouls na tinatawag nila against admu. iba na talaga pag magaling, dinadaya nlang.. haha. the game was thrilling and so hearthumping. sobrang mapapatayo ka sa seat mo. swear. you should try it kahit once lang, masaya siya, i'm telling you. lalo na pag admu,dlsu kasi un talaga ung rivalry. ateneo won the game. told you, cheaters never win. haha. ang sama ko talaga. oh, well..

after the game, mukhang naligo kami nila cha sa araneta, ano. ang lakas ng ulan! pumunta kaming gateway para kumain ng dinner. tas after dinner, hindi pa namin makita ung sundo namin. so, takbo kami ng takbo. tas naka-flip flops pa ko nun. so dumudulas dulas na ko kahit nakahawak ako kay cha. sobrang tawang tawa kami nun. haha. un naman ang talagang, woah! para kaming mga basang sisiw [the word] haha. pagdating namin sa car, sobrang natawa nlang kami sa ginawa at sa sobrang basa namin.

for today naman.. tita, ate, cha, joeff and i heard mass at eastwood at 11. after that, lunch sa superbowl of china. yummeyy! pumunta rin kaming adidas kasi na-curious kami kasi ang daming tao. napabili kami ng sneakers ng wala sa oras. haha. after nun, hatid si joeff sa guitar lessons niya. pero kami, straight sa mall. ate and tita went to let's face it para magpalinis ng mukha tas kami ni cha, pina-pedicure at foot spa ni tita. sarrap ng feeling, man! haha. after namin, di pa tapos sila tita. so, cha and i strolled. napabili siya ng perfume at ako nman mga panibagong accessories. after that, balik eastwood to drop off cha and tita at their condo. kami naman, straight back home.

to wrap all things up, my weekend was great. i had fun. nde dahil sa nde lang ako nastranded sa house for two days, but somehow i did something worthwhile. pretty tiring but fun. at least i got my two best sissies with me.. aii, sissies? two sisters pala.. si ate cha at ang aking beloved kapatid. love 'em both..

♥Wis

Saturday, August 27, 2005

whew! another stressful week had passed. so many school things to do, so many efforts to exert and so many problems to deal with are getting in the way. time really flies so fast nowadays.

tomorrow would be a big day for me as well as to my fellow assumptionistas. we would know by then, if we did an excellent, good or a not-so-good performance for the past quarter. as we all know, first quarter was put into closure a week or two weeks ago. it was just then that i realized, perhaps i wasn't really performing that well compared to before. it was more like a no-extraordinary performance. oh, well.. i still have three more quarters to do and to be better in everything i will do..

joeff and i had a fight earlier.. AGAIN. nothing really changed. same old thing. you know what? i have this crazy instinct na never na kami magiging okay sa isa't isa or if ever man, sobrang for a short period of time lang. in everything we do, laging may comment na binibigay yung isa. it's like our way of trying to stand each other, in one way or another. it's like a part of our way of living already. haha. pero, totoo. if you don't believe me, ask him. pero never mo makakausap un ng matino. swear..

joeff and i are like one of the worst cousins in the history of the world. you might think i'm exaggerating it, pero i'm not kidding. totoo yun. we can barely stand each other.. SOBRA! I even said that to him and all he said was.. 'sinabe mo pa!' [sabay tawa kameng dalawa ng malakas] funny, come to think of it.. kasi madalas ang nangyayari, okay kami ngaung minute na toh then in a split second, hindi na naman kami okay. yung parang ganun.. we even used to fight using our hotdog pillows. whahaha. have to admit it, pero okay naman maging pinsan si joeff eh, minsan nga lang tinotopak.. haha. pero, still he's one of my cousins that i treasure most in life kahit madalas na hindi kami okay. that's one thing that i will never regret.

our life is a once in a lifetime journey. you can never bring it back. do what you have to do. for you never know, what will happen next.. the journey we take can make us become a better or maybe the best person we can be or vice versa. life is unpredictable.. it has a lot of ways to move an individual in the simplest ways as possible. apply it. just don't be afraid to take that move with clearly no hesitations, no turning back. don't be afraid to take an adventure in life.. for you might end up blaming yourself for being such a coward in not giving in to that adventure which spices up life. as what my sister said.. "...and when you get the chance, whether to sit or to dance; I HOPE YOU DANCE" :D

♥Wis

Tuesday, August 23, 2005

at last. everything was relatively back to the way it was before. though i know for a fact that everything would never be the same again. still, i'm HAPPY and i really, really mean it.

KRING!!! finally, the bell rang. it was our SSP. we did change our seating arrangement. for a time, i felt unhappy because my seatmates were not even --- this close to me. but it did change after some time. it's just the matter of getting to know her more [not just by her first and last name] and eventually you'll feel like it. but then, the next morning, they changed my seatmates.. AGAIN. it's quite fun. i already had 4 seatmates not even 2 full days had passed. haha. it's actually fun talking with my seatmates now. they aren't that noisy but one of my seatmates is way over hyper. you'll think she was listening but she'll ask me..'ano daw?' and she keeps on copying my own notes. haha. oh and before i forgot. never a day goes by that my shoulders are NOT aching. grabe kasi mamalo seatmate ko eh. ahaha. totoo. parang titilapon na ko sa corridor. haha.

i had one of the memorable moments with my family last sunday. we ate at red crab in tomas morato. funny isn't it? i'm allergic to seafoods and yet i was sitting there next to cha and joeff eating. haha. we were sitted at a comfy sofa, sharing different stuff - laughter, corny jokes, chitchats and the like. some of my cousins were even fooling around. i felt happy. happy for having my closest relatives around me, which was perfect. truly, it made me feel i was complete.

for me, being at tomas morato would be incomplete if i wouldn't get the chance to go to starbucks and buy mocha frap and cinnamon swirl. so i bugged my tita to drop by starbucks. and eventually, she said yes. yipee! trip to starbucks. haha! WISSA! at last, they said my name. i finally had my mocha frapp in my right hand and a cinammon swirl in the other. it was heaven. haha. FINALLY, i was able to drink and eat my favorites at starbucks after a few weeks which seemed like decades for me.

i am so getting hyper these days. i just don't know the reason/s behind all of these. people kept asking me..'are you into drugs?' but reality is.. yes. kidding! ahaha. but who knows? maybe i am i just don't seem to know it yet.. but maybe.. ahaha. remember.. life is very unpredictable yet it still rocks! [well, that is what life is for me.. NOW]

♥Wis

Saturday, August 20, 2005

CHICKLETS' OVERNIGHT. at last, we finally arrived and invaded [the word.. haha] anj's house after stopping a lot of times at different shops. haha. we did a lot of things.. watched horror movie of course with matching freshly baked pizza pandesal, ate dinner, played the soccer game in the table thing [basta ung parang barbecue thing table] shared lots of stories and gossips [oh wait, what gossips were those again? haha] played cards and slept for a while. haha. ang saya! sana maulit.. kahit matagal pa, basta maulit lang.. at sana sa uulitin, complete na taung lahat.. i really would want that to happen. tas lahat tayo masaya na parang wala problema. how i wish.. sana someday ganun nga mangyari..

i arrived home at 12'30, lunchtime. the very first thing i did was to text her to clear things up. sad to say, no matter how hard i explain still nothing happened. it was still the same thing. i guess i can't blame her for that if she really think or feel i'm pathetic, bitch and a liar. fine.. i mean, i can't change that.. well, i tried to pero wala pa rin nangyari. ang mahirap kasi she only stands for what she thinks. ung nde na niya gustong intindihin yung side namin. and why does she have to make things more complicated? sinabe na nga naming hindi namin siya pinagtutulungan which was true pero ayaw pa rin niya maniwala. she still keeps on insisting na pinagkakaisahan talaga namin siya. she changed, bigtime. sobra. masakit tanggapin ung pagbabago niya eh. ung mga masasakit na salita na binitiwan niya sakin [i printed it all, sobrang nakakaiyak lang siya basahin].. considering she's one of my very close friend in the group. nakakagulat. ang mas nakakagulat pa dun nung nalaman ko na ako ung rason kung bat siya nagbago at naging ganun.

nung nalaman ko yung reasons kung bakit ako ung nakapagpabago sa kanya.. wala na kong magawa.. i felt so helpless and i cried. alam niya un. and you know what? all she said was, "NOW YOU KNOW WHAT IT FEELS LIKE". so parang, napapaisip ako.. what should i do para mabalik ko lahat un? nde pa ba enough ung ipilit ko sarili ko sa kanya nung times na na-feel ko na napapalayo na siya sakin? nde pa ba enough ang sorry? hindi ko na alam. i'm way out of my league.

you're wrong. nobody was happy when you texted us that you're leaving the group. whether you believe me or not, lahat kami nalungkot when you said that. kahit nga nung sinabe nio na nde kayo makakapunta sa overnight or kahit sa hapon lang kila anj, malungkot na kami eh. we just don't know where you guys got that idea. kasi sobrang opposite eh. alam niyo ba na mangiyakngiyak na si mik dahil sa sinabe niyo na yun? kasi ayaw namin kayo mawala. wala kaming gustong mawala sa group. chaka ung paparty thing dahil aalis na kayo. ano ba naman. san niyo ba nakuha lahat ng yun?

no matter how hard i or we explain, wala pa rin talaga. she doesn't want to listen to me, to us. she only stands for what she thinks and that's the only thing that matters or is important for her. pag nagtry ka mag-explain, at nde un ung sa side niya, magiging sarcastic siya and all. if she would only try to listen and understand our side, this wouldn't happen. this wouldn't be too complicated for us to solve. if only.. she would listen to us TOO..

♥Wis

Monday, August 15, 2005

life is like a tire.. sometimes you're up, sometimes you're down. sometimes you're the one getting stepped at and sometimes you're the one who makes one person miserable. this is one of the many descriptions an individual say whenever you ask them to describe what life is for them..

for me, life is unpredictable. you know your plans and you tend to follow it and yet unforseen circumstances get in the way to keep you stranded on a phase.

this is shit! life is full of crap! i can't believe i'm saying this pero talagang crap na eh! lately, nagugustuhan ko na takbo ng buhay ko pero madami ng mga tao at mga bagay na nagstop nun eh. shit talaga!

i'm just sad about the message i got from my tagboard this morning. it was russ' message. russ is very disappointed with the way our barkada is doing. i guess russ was right. everything's changed and believe me it doesn't seem right. but i don't want our friendship to end this way. hindi lang talaga tama. i'm not ready to let go of it.. i'm sorry pero i'm just not ready to let go of you guys.. i want to stay or should i say stand strong for our group. na kahit feeling ko malabo na magkaayos pa tayo COMPLETELY, there's still the feeling na pwede pa toh. kay pa natin toh ayusin and all. alam niyo un? i want our friendship to last forever or at least, not now.. please? i so much need all of you.. di man halata, pero ganun na nga.

one more thing that makes me feel insane is my cousin, joeff. i just can't stand him anymore. we've been through a lot of fights and trust me, walang mabuting nadulot ung mga away na yun. we've been together for what.. a lot of years come to think of it.. tas ganito lang?? he treats me as if kasing age lang niya ko and all which is kind of rude, i might say. i can't stand to live with him anymore.. gusto ko na siya sumbong sa mom ko para pauwiin na siya sa bahay nila sa italy.. i really hate him!! the way he acts is such a big disgrace! darn!

hell yeah. i know it's really crap. i'm trying to just focus the light and bright side of things yet these dark moemts swallow the light in which i want to focus on.. that's the biggest crap! ayoko na! i want the world to just swallow me now!!! i just want to live a simple and wonderful life.. that's all i want. why does it have to be too messy and miserable to end up this way???.. WHY??..

♥Wis

Sunday, August 14, 2005

a lot of things had happened to me for the past few weeks. a lot of moments which aren't that good and of course, as well as those which i will treasure most in my life.

last week, it was my grandma's birthday so we went to my grandma's place. of course it's a given that a lot of my relatives were there. i saw some of my cousins which i don't regularly or occassionally see. yeah, we did a lot of catching up to do in our lives so we sort of bonded in one place and listened to all our stories, one by one. we had mass which is offered to my grandpa. my grandpa is somehow okay now. he is getting fatter, again. hope that's a good sign that he'll be healthy again. i was touched when my grandma told me that she's vey thankful for having us, her grandchildren, around. she even told me that she wouldn't know what to do if even us will turn our back at her. then teardrops started falling from her watery eyes.. for a second, i thought. why would grandma say something about turning back? i mean, nobody in our family had ever turned their back at her. then it came up to me that maybe what she was taliking about was the people whom she considered her friends and yet didn't have the time to visit her even for a while.

last friday, i had a new friend. her name is lhen. she was aiko's friend and she was suppose to sleep over at aiko's house. but then i invited aiko to sleep over at our house and so lhen was with her. she was quite fun to be with. the three of us bonded together. we did a lot of crazy things in my room. haha. tas stories, stories habang kumakain ng midnight snack. then, ghost hunt sa buong house. haha. we slept at 1'30 am. it was so fun.. sana maulit. iimbitahin ko kayo ulit. don't worry.. haha.

for a time, i felt rejection. [i guess, everyone had experienced that] rejected by my friends and my cousin, joeff. honestly, it quite bit me. then i realized that i shouldn't focus on the things that would eventually hurt me in the end. so, i stopped bothering myself from contradicting and explaining every single detail about the wrong speculations they tell about me. yeah, it hurts. that's why we end up wanting, wanting to ran away from it all. but you know what? it even hurts thrice as hard if we walk away from it and eventually put ourselves back to where they left us hanging. logically, if we turn our back at it there's these feeling na.. what if pag balik ko ganito pa rin and all.. the feeling of fear. fear in what most people don't want to feel which is getting rejected by their peers. so, on i went. i was able to face them straight as if not getting hurt. though deep inside it hurts a lot.. eventually, we were able to make those things out and i'm happy to say that i'm back with the people who helped me to be me even things get quite rough.

i don't know what happened, but i'm sure i like it. everything's changed. i have learned to love the life i have even it's quite shaky. i'm studying thrice as hard compared to before [it's because of our exams pero sana tuloy, tuloy na] my ate and some of my cousins told me i'm getting matured [i don't know where that thought came from]i have learned not to be too dependent on my friends and others. in other words, i have learned to trust and to depend on the choices i make even more. i depend on me.

*learn to live, enjoy and love your life.. you'll never know what may happen next.:D*

♥Wis