Oh gee. If you're gonna be two-faced, at least make one pretty ;)

Friday, January 05, 2007

I just want to say this. SUPER HINDI KO NA KILALA SI JOEFF.

I know, I know. It's pretty odd. I have a cousin and here I am acting as if I don't know him. Well, I know him BUT I don't know what happened to him. He is way different now. Way, way different. It's not about our differences but it sure is about what he had become. It's as if he's not the same guy I used to hang out with and actually, grow old with. Which makes me really sad AND well, betrayed. Why you might I ask? Before Joeff and I separated - him going back to Italy - we made a pact that he would strive to be better BUT that NEVER happened. He became worse.

I really feel bad because in a way, I blame myself for everything that happened to him, to us. We've been so exposed to each other that there came a time where we sort of got used to having each other. Then the fights came.. in and out. Jealousy. Hatred. Differences. You name it. All of those things got in the way that led our relationship to be on the edge. Joeff might not know this but I feel half-responsible about everything. Joeff and I might be screaming our hearts out about how we despise each other and stuff BUT we know the real connection between us - we are cousins, who can blame us.. right? And that's something were very thankful for. I should've understood him. I should've been there when he was so down and had no one. I should've been a good sister. I SHOULD HAVE. And hearing from my aunt's voice of Joeff's case now.. it made me cry and wonder so bad that maybe that would not happen if only I was there. IF ONLY. I think things would be different if that was the case. I just feel so bad of what had been done. And I know I can't do anything about it. Even though I want to do something.

*Honestly, I think I have been a good sister for Joeff. Siya lang yung hindi nakipag-cooperate. Lahat ng mga ginagawa niya, hindi alam ng lahat. Tinago ko lahat yun, kasi ayaw ko siya mapagalitan or masaktan or anything kasi pinsan ko siya e. Pero para sa kanya, wala yun. Pag kailangan niya ng money, binibigyan ko siya agad. Pag may nang-away sa kanya, and umiiyak siya, iexpect mo na lalabas ako ng bahay namin para kausapin yung umaway sa kanya. And thinking back all those things makes me wonder, what did I do wrong? Hindi pa ba enough lahat ng love na pinakita namin sa kanya nila ate?

I really miss the old Joeff - funny, sweet, thoughtful and had the best sense of humor. Now.. everything changed. And it's all because of me. Me, me, me. Selfish me.:(

I wonder who influenced Joeff to be someone he's really not. I really am.

He is not the same Joeff I used to live with.:(

Now everything did change and it's because of the crappy actions he showed that led into the stupid decision.

♥Wis

*The bum

Luisa Angela Baua. Wis.October 10. HS student. Youngest of three. Chicklet.

I WANT TO.. be loved and to travel the whole world.

ACHIEVED.. pretty much a lot of things and learned from every mistake I did.

GREATEST FEAR.. to be alone.

I BELIEVE THE FACT.. that it takes one to know one.

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THE Past

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